you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
