Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
