Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
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they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
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Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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