you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
