remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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