i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
