At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
