We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
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