I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
