Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
