Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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