Umm I'm too high to move.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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