We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
