If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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