she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
