i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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