so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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