Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
