I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
