she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
