Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
