take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
