White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
