I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
