I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
