theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
