I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
