FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
