Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
