You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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