PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
