Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize