After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
