We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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