she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
