you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have feelings that need drinking.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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