Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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