So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
