ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
