I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
