Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
