he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
