they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
