it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
