he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
