well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
