I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
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we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize