you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
