The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
