Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
