So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she smelled like a LAN party
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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