he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
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i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
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Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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