did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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