Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
