It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
