Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
