omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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