yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
