They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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