I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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