At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
