Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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