The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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