just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
