im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
