**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
