yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
