I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize