My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize