So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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