So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
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I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
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Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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