U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
