Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
