I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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