I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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