i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
