maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
