Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
