it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
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She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
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She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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