when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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