Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Still dying that you shit outside
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
