WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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