My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
