Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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