I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
